This is a twofold purpose post.
A few weeks ago I went back to the States for about a week to play the piano at my friends' wedding. It was so great being able to see them (and other friends) again and just be in a place where I felt like I could let down my guard a bit. No one stared at me. I was in a familiar setting. I could speak English to anyone, with relative certainty that I would be understood.
I love flying. I love taking off and landing, and I love being able to see the ground from the air. A few fun flying things that I enjoyed on this trip were: MOUNTAINS. I flew from Beijing to L.A. and as we were flying down the CA coast, we could see the Rockies over to the East. Wow!!! It was really amazing. As we were approaching L.A. (from Beijing, and from Pittsburgh on the way back) I got to see how the city was laid out around, in, on top of, and anywhere else related to the mountains. I never knew.... Probably the coolest thing for me involving mountains, though, was the flight back to Beijing. We arrived in Beijing at 4:30 a.m. (Yes: very, very a.m.). The great thing was that as we were approaching the city from the north, we were flying over the mountains. Just imagine: the light of early morning, no sunlight yet, but that light blue-grey, and mountains shrouded in early morning mist. This is the stuff of paintings. Now you could really see the inspiration for Chinese artwork. What could I say? I wanted to sing, but couldn't think of a song that adequately fit my mood. So I just sat, speechless, contemplating the wonder of God's creation.
Before I left I met a friend of mine in Beijing. We were talking about how interesting it is going back and forth between the countries, like Peter Pan going to Never-never-land. You don't feel entirely at home in the States - too much has happened to you, you've experienced too much and been too influenced by another country to not be affected in some way. At the same time, you grew up in the States. It's your home and what you've been used to most of your life. You don't feel entirely at home in the other country either. Too much is different. Too much just doesn't quite fit with what you're used to. You're the foreigner, the outsider, and no matter what, you will never fit in entirely. At the same time, this has been your home for the past amount of time. No one except the people with you will really be able to understand fully what you've experienced here.
I think this whole experience, going back and forth between places, just reinforces in me the feeling that "this world is not my home". I have a better thing coming, but I still have to wait a while for it. It's not a bad feeling. Just kind of matter-of-fact or something. I think really I've always felt this way. I went to three different high schools. We only moved twice in my life, when I was a child and then between my sophomore and junior years of high school, but somehow those moves also have created in me this feeling of longing for my true country.
One of my favorite C.S. Lewis quotes, which I think really applies to how I feel is this:
"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probably explanation is that I was made for another world."
That's not to say that I don't love the world I live in or the people in it by any means....
All that is to say that, very soon, I will again be returning to Neverland. My brother Ronnie will be getting married in just under two weeks, and I will be going home to celebrate and take part in it. So again, I get to be reminded that I was made for another world, and to not give up longing for my true country.
To all my friends and family back home: I Love you all and I look forward to seeing you again very soon!
